String Theory

People often ask me about my String Theory of Musical Decline.

Okay, here it is in a nutshell. When a band adds strings to their music it is a kind of death knell. A band can be doing just fine all on their own but then at some point they feel whatever need must be fulfilled and they add some strings to their music.  Take a look at Zeppelin’s worst album: In Through the Out Door.  Now, saying Zeppelin’s worst album is rather like saying “Oh, I pillaged but all I came back with was the Aztec’s worst gold”.  Cry me a river.  But, it is their worst and it’s filled with pseudo-strings.

So, I’ve been articulating this theory for years and what should show up in my collection a while back but a new Diana Krall album, “When I Look in Your Eyes”. Really, not such a bad album. Not nearly as good as the previous stuff she had done, and nothing since has been either. I guess that’s my point. This album marked the end of the classic era for Diana Krall. Unless she has a renaissance, you will want to concentrate on albums prior to that album.

Here’s the rub. The record label placed over the cellophane a small sticker. On that sticker it read “Now with strings”. I shit you not. They stated it in no uncertain terms. As though this is what we’d all been waiting on.

Oh, that Diana Krall, what a performer. But she could use a little more cowbell.

I don’t pretend to understand the cryptic idiocy of the masses. Nor do I claim to fathom the corporate drones who place stickers on CD cellophane. I guess I should be thankful they didn’t place the sticker under the cellophane.

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